MOM: I need a get-rich-quick scheme
ME: can we sell our kidneys?
MOM: no we need our spare kidney for when alcohol kills the first one
DAD: hello son. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I am using good grammar because your mom said it bugs you when I dont. Sorry I didnt use an apostraphe I dont know how. I also dont know how to do a zero. I still use a capital O. Actually you dont have to call me anymore.
ME: how long did that take you to write?
DAD: lets just say funniest home videos is almost over.
ME: did you see the beach boys are playing?
DAD: ok, that’s great, but WHAT IS LADY GAGA WEARING?