Me: You don’t happen to do make-up too, do you?
Uncle: Only if you want to look like a hooker
Mom: I wanted to send you ice cream in your care package but your dad said no.
Me: knock knock
Mom: Who’s there? We had to leave dinner and miss the movie to take your grandmother to the hospital.
Dad: next week if you see a strange mountain man cleaning up the sides of our house I hired him
Dad: his name is Happy
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