MOM: ok tried taking pics of the cats but they were hissing at me 
ME: Huh?? What cats?? 

MOM: I grew you in my stomach for nine months and then heaved you out! It was gruesome. And this is show you repay me. 
ME: Mom, what did I do?!
MOM: You know what your offense is. 
ME: No seriously what? 
MOM: I can’t even talk to you right now. 
ME: Mom? What?! 
MOM: You ate the last brownie when I had clearly marked it as mine. You know how much it meant to me. 

DAD: Your aunt sent me a Christmas card in case you’re interested. 
DAD: You know…your moms sister, Sherry. 
DAD: She hasn’t prettied up any either. ME: She sent a picture? 
DAD: Two 

ME: What are y’all doing tonight? 
MOM: Dad has a dinner I will rock out at barnes and noble I think 

ME: Can butter be substitued with stick margarine when making banana bread?? I got the wrong kind. MOM: Probably? I would go for it! YOLO!!!

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