ME: Finally found out what that weird tape is that everyone wears in the Olympics! It’s called physio tape, it helps with circulation.
DAD: Sounds like voodoo to me.
MOM: I got a new phone.
ME: cool. Did you end up getting the iPhone?
MOM: no. I got 1 like you have.
ME: I have an iPhone.
MOM: no, I got the one with the apple on the back.
ME: are you watching the olympics?
MOM: yes, the swimmers are very talented
MOM: and very good looking
(4 hours later)
MOM: just so we are clear i am very satisfied with Olympic swimmers overall
MOM: you know what, I’m just gonna go to the same movie as you guys. I won’t look for you. Are you okay with that?
ME: this is going to be awkward
MOM: I’m wearing my cloak of invisibility…you’ll never see me
ME: mom that’s so creepy
MOM: is very Harry potter
ME: I hate my job. I can’t even look at kids anymore.
MOM: That’s okay, my first year of teaching was so horrible I’d come home and chain smoke through Mr. Rogers
MOM: Lord help me. Sad is wearing his gray short shorts in public.
MOM: Dad is wearing…
MOM: And it’s sad
MOM: And he keeps flashing me when he puts his foot up on the park bench and the shorts go up even higher