DAD: What scavenger hunt team are you on?
DAD: Is that a cereal?
MOM: Is everyone there in one piece? (30 minutes later)
MOM: Confession, I killed a squirrel yesterday. I can hardly live with the guilt.
ME: Where are you?
MOM: Marriage counselor! It’s like a date, only less fun. :-)
ME: Someone at my internship brought an edible arrangement and it is AWESOME. Just sayin’.
MOM: They must love you more than I do.
DAD: hide yo kids hide yo wife party rock is in the house tonight, love dad
DAD: URGENT!! Come to the porch now
ME: No dad, I’m busy. Why?
DAD: There are two fruitflies making out on my ankle!!
ME: Happy Fathers’ Day, love ya!!
DAD: Just let me play internet chess in peace. Don’t text back.