there's a colonial woman on the wing

ME: Vas up 
DAD: I typed nada and it auto corrected to nasa. But nasa is literally up so I didn’t correct. 

ME: You wouldn’t happen to know where my credit card is would you? DAD: On the computer table
ME: No that’s one of the temporary ones. 
DAD: Then, no. Sorry, maybe if u cleaned your room u could find it ;). I hope that emoticon doesn’t mean penis orvagina. 

ME: What are you and Dad doing this weekend? 
MOM: I am in the shower as i text this i will let you know   

ME: The doctor’s office messed up and sent me a blank sheet of paper. 
DAD: Clean bill of health?

ME: I’ve seen two owls in two days. 
MOM: Where? That is kind of amazing. Dad wants to know if they farted. 

The best for last. Seriously, you will die laughing.

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