12.29.2012

unsettling exchanges with my five year old niece

Lauren: I want an iPhone for Christmas.
Me: Do you really need an iPhone Lauren? Do you know how old I was when I got my first phone?
Lauren: How old?
Me: 17. You want to know how old I was when I got my first smart phone?
Lauren: Yes
Me: 25
Lauren: Well, I wouldn't have wanted to live in your time.


12.28.2012

home birth or murder

When Parents Text:
MOM: Love ya. Have merry merry merry. Mom and Dad. Ps Dad laundered his I phone. Thank heavens for apple care. 4: 00 in the morning 

DAD: You are smart, beautiful, funny and tall I luv u. 
ME: Dad are you drunk? 
DAD: Ya, I would never say that when Im sober
 and last but not least:

12.21.2012

posh

Whenparentstext.com
MOM: Idk how to request your dad as a friend 

DAD: Ur in got tix for the cho cho 
ME: Yaaaay!! choo choo! 
DAD: Calm dow, it’s just a train. Act like u been on one before. 

DAD: I am learning how to pose like Posh its in this weeks People. 

ME: I was just wondering if you ever miss me 
DAD: I miss you all of the time except on Tuesday nights when I want to watch NCIS and on Fridays when i watch Blue Bloods 

MOM: I saw the christmas pictures. The fat suits you! 
ME: oh..thanks mom for telling me I’m fat. 
MOM: I MEANT HAT the HAT SUITS YOU MOM: This thing doesnt write what I tell it to! 
MOM: you are beautiful!






12.18.2012

have yourself a merry little christmas

Yesterday I was sick, so today really felt like Monday.

I got this album when it came out last year, and I just broke it out for this year. It's probably my favorite secular Christmas carol.

12.13.2012

in defense of mom jeans

No I'm not a mom. But yes, I absolutely love my mom jeans. When I gained a teensby bit (10 lbs) of weight after the wedding, I had to get larger sizes in all my pants, especially my jeans, which were on the verge of being too tight away.

Before I upped my size, I had the ultra-trendy low-rise jeans. They were terrible. Not only did I have to constantly be paranoid about showing off my "goods" plumber style (just to clarify, this is sarcasm. My butt cheeks are not my goods...those are my calves :-). You can't just bend over to pick up something in those jeans. You have to do the awkward side-squat thing that is certain to draw as much attention as your plumber crack.

Another thing that sucked was where the jeans rested when you were sitting. I have a desk job where I am sitting for about eight hours a day. My old jeans would literally make indentions in my skin because they were so tight. The afternoon was the worst, because your stomach would be full. I would have to unbutton my pants, and dare I say my zipper too, under my desk. Don't worry, I always made sure my shirt was covering the zipper.

But now...now it's great. Although close friends and my husband laugh when I lift my shirt to show them exactly how high (hint: think bra wire) my mom jeans go, I have never felt more comfortable. I can eat all the gluten I want and my pants don't torture me like they used to.

Bottom line: you don't have to have kids to enjoy the comfort of the demin covered sweatpants known as mom jeans.

11.30.2012

yolo

Whenparentstext.com:
MOM: ok tried taking pics of the cats but they were hissing at me 
ME: Huh?? What cats?? 

MOM: I grew you in my stomach for nine months and then heaved you out! It was gruesome. And this is show you repay me. 
ME: Mom, what did I do?!
MOM: You know what your offense is. 
ME: No seriously what? 
MOM: I can’t even talk to you right now. 
ME: Mom? What?! 
MOM: You ate the last brownie when I had clearly marked it as mine. You know how much it meant to me. 

DAD: Your aunt sent me a Christmas card in case you’re interested. 
DAD: You know…your moms sister, Sherry. 
DAD: She hasn’t prettied up any either. ME: She sent a picture? 
DAD: Two 

ME: What are y’all doing tonight? 
MOM: Dad has a dinner I will rock out at barnes and noble I think 

ME: Can butter be substitued with stick margarine when making banana bread?? I got the wrong kind. MOM: Probably? I would go for it! YOLO!!!


11.29.2012

why liberalism will ultimately fail


I read a really interesting article today and I think you should read it too! Click here to see it.

11.26.2012

carried away

I love love love this song. Matt and I went to see them in concert and really enjoyed it. The only bad thing was, well, the "smoke" around us the whole time.